Outing: When queers come out as a couple

Outing: "Yes, I am gay!" and "Yes, we are a couple." - These are two sentences that have already changed the lives of many people.

For queer parents, too, it often makes a big difference whether their offspring tells them they are queer or whether they suddenly come home with the "love of their life."

The good news, however, is that the environment often accepts a couple outing better than previously feared. At the latest, it is now clear that the person concerned is ready to take the next step. Or in other words: what previously sounded a bit "theoretical" to many outsiders now becomes tangible. But what should those who want to come out as a couple to their environment actually pay attention to? And why might it be worthwhile to be patient and wait a while? The following sections provide some valuable tips.

Tip No. 1: Both (!) should be in agreement

This is not so much a tip as a clear rule: If a queer couple decides to come out to their environment, it is important that both agree on 100%. It would definitely be counterproductive if one partner persuaded the other.

Accordingly, it may make sense to wait a little longer before officially coming out as a couple. Otherwise, there is a high probability that one of the two will feel pressured and associate a negative basic feeling with going public. Of course, this is precisely what must be avoided. Mutual accusations are out of place. The choice of the perfect time is often a matter of gut feeling... and experience shows that this cannot be influenced by reason anyway.

Tip #2: You need common ground for coming out

Anyone who wants to come out should also know what message should be behind said outing. Is it only about expressing: "We like each other and will first see what becomes of us?" or about really talking about a firm and serious relationship?

This is exactly what couples or people in love and everyone else should clarify for themselves in advance. Otherwise, there is a high probability that discussions will arise and the environment will react more or less confused.

If you are not yet 100 percent sure which pillar the relationship should be built on, you should be open about it. With this kind of openness, many misunderstandings can often be avoided.

Tip No. 3: Start with tolerant, open-minded people

Of course, every couple (whether queer or not) wants their environment to react positively to their relationship. Accordingly, it can be incredibly motivating when the first people to hear about it rejoice with the (more or less) newlywed couple.

Here it can be worthwhile to think in advance about who is particularly close and perhaps particularly open to the queer scene. Every positive reaction can motivate a little more to get the love out there.

At the same time, it is important not to be discouraged by negative experiences. Although it would be nice, it is also a little naive to assume that absolutely everyone "agrees" with the relationship. Negative experiences of this kind, however, often weld the respective couple together even further.

Tip No. 4: Be open about the issue and spread the word quickly, if possible

If the first people have been informed about the queer relationship, it may make sense to spread the news further in a timely manner. Otherwise, there is a high probability that some (not yet informed) people in the environment will feel ignored.

A typical example: A gay couple has informed their siblings, but not their parents even after weeks. If they find out about their son's happy relationship by pure chance, they might react with incomprehension.

Here, too, however, the following applies: Every couple has its own pace. If - for whatever reason - it simply feels wrong to inform "person XY" at the current time, it is of course important to accept this to yourself as well.

Tip No. 5: Seek help if necessary

Even if many people react positively to a couple outing, it may of course be that the corresponding message meets with strong resistance in individual cases. Anyone who notices that they have psychological problems with this and feel correspondingly burdened should in no case hesitate and - if necessary with the partner - professional help make use of.

An outing to which people in the immediate environment react so negatively can have a traumatic effect, especially on sensitive people who are still getting to know themselves in this exciting phase of life. Here it is all the more important to take countermeasures in good time.

However, in many cases when the couple's environment reacts so negatively, all it takes is a little time. After that, it is often not difficult to rejoice with the couple, whom you wish all the best from the bottom of your heart.